Peace Be With You (Theresa Gottl Guest Blog)

Peace Be With You

I’d like to think that I’m not a bad person.  In fact, I don’t think most people are “bad” people.

I love animals.  I self-identify as vegan.  I’ve been to protests and rallies for various political and social issues.  I write letters to my political representatives.  I go to church (more on this later).  I’ve spoken at my local city hall to help get a resolution passed.  I’ve taken paper out of the trash cans at work to put it in the recycling bins.  I did all of my Christmas shopping last year with local businesses and artists, and I always opt for “organic” and “non-GMO” when I can find it.  And in the past 4-5 years, I’ve read a lot of books on philosophy, spirituality, diet, environmentalism--all of which have informed and shaped my own personal journey toward developing a consistent, peaceful life--so I’ve got all the talking points down (again, more on this later).

But a few days ago, while pulling out of a grocery store parking lot, the person in the car behind me decided that I should have pulled out into oncoming traffic, and he or she leaned on the horn.  I sighed and rolled my eyes and waited for a gap in the traffic, when the King/Queen of Impatience honked even longer and with even greater snarkiness.  At that point, rather than making a right on red, I decided I was going to wait for the light to change, no matter the traffic pattern, just to “teach Mister/Miz Leadfoot a lesson”.  After the other driver zoomed past me on the main road, I spent most of the rest of my drive home playing out elaborate revenge scenarios in my head, and felt my blood pressure rising until I suddenly realized I was working myself into a lather over...nothing.

Later that night (I must’ve been in a fighting mood), I was online and started reading comments on a post about the nutritional benefits of eating beans vs. beef.  Responses varied from agreement to people who thought they were being funny (“Why are animals made of meat if we’re not supposed to eat them?”), to completely unfounded claims of science (“You need the cholesterol in meat, otherwise your brain can’t function.”)  I left a couple responses--neither of which were personal toward any commenters, but they were scathing towards those who held opinions other than my own, and I posted them with the intent of “winning”.  What I won, I have no idea.

I justified it by telling myself I was venting, that I didn’t hurt anyone, that no one reads these things anyway.

And all of that is probably true.

But…

I did hurt someone:  Myself.  I got myself angry and then dwelt on the anger, magnifying it, feeding it until it turned me--even for a short time--into someone I didn’t like or want to be.  And that was when I stopped and realized that those two incidents, however insignificant they might’ve been to rest of the world, made me, for a couple moments in that day, a hypocrite.

It isn’t the “big” things that block me in the path to peace.  I’m pretty sure most of us aren’t killing or stealing, betraying the trust of our loved ones, or committing great crimes against humanity.  But it’s the little things, the gossip at work, the nasty Facebook comment, the momentary road rage--all things most of us encounter everyday--that block me.

In the Catholic Church, there’s a beautiful part of Mass called the “sign of peace” that I hadn’t given much thought to until recent years, despite being a life-long practicing Catholic.  During the sign of peace, everyone turns to his or her neighbors and offers a handshake, a hug, or maybe just a smile and a wave, while saying “peace be with you.”  It’s meant to be symbolic of wishing peace to everyone in our lives (not just those sitting near us in church)--the family member we’ve argued with during the week, the estranged friend, the gossipy coworker, the guy in traffic who cuts you off, the anonymous internet commenter who you just need to show how wrong he is--everyone.  Peace be with you.

Of course, the sneaky part is that by truly wishing peace upon others, you bring peace to yourself.

I’ll probably never get to the point where I won’t say something snarky under my breath to the driver who cuts me off in traffic.  I’ll probably always have an argumentative nature.  I’m probably always going to want to try to prove that I’m “right”.  But I hope that, with practice, I can give my own sign of peace to everyone I encounter, the loved ones and the difficult strangers alike.  I hope I can pause and wish, silently, before reacting in any other way, “peace be with you”, so that even a disagreement will be a respectful one.  Maybe I’ll start to realize that any reaction beyond that silent prayer is unnecessary, to realize that the difference between “loved ones” and “difficult strangers” is no difference at all.  Maybe I’ll start to wish peace to myself before poisoning my own soul with slow drips of anger.  Maybe I’ll start to see the “me” in the “you”.

Peace be with you.  And you.  And you.

(Theresa Gottl is an acclaimed poet in NE Ohio, author of Stretching the Window and a member of the NE Slam Team. She has been a contributor to Peace Week since it started 4 years ago.)